Communication Problems in Relationship

http://BlackbeltCommunicationSkills.com

Communication Problems in Relationships -
Edited and Revised Transcript by Alan Seid

Hi, this is Alan Seid with Cascadia Workshops.

I’m here to talk about communication problems in relationships.

Sex is the Least Private Act?

It’s not really a joke, but I did write a blog post titled, Sex is the Least Private Act.

Now why would I say that? Well actually I didn’t come up with that phrase, but the point is...

...let's say I made love with my wife this morning and it was a total bummer. I would carry that with me throughout my day. It would color all my interactions with other people.

It just so happens that when we have interpersonal disharmony it tends to affect our energy level, it tends to affect how we show up in different places. Maybe we’re less patient or less kind with other people.

Having our interpersonal relationship really working well and having there be harmony there is so, so essential for our entire quality of life.

Solving communication problems in relationships is going to be very important.

Preventing versus Resolving Communication Problems in Relationships

Now, there are two levels at which we can address communication problems in relationships. One of those is solving those problems when they come up. That’s really important to have those skills.

And, I absolutely love being able to prevent those misunderstandings and conflicts. That’s an even more fun, more powerful level. That’s what I try to get people to reach through my programs and other offerings, online and in person.

Different Kinds of Communication Problems in Relationships

What I would say with communication problems and relationships, generally speaking, I see two different kinds of communication problems in relationships.

One of those is basic misunderstandings. One person says yellow and the other person hears orange. Or, one person says green and the other person hears blue. I’ve asked so many people, dozens and dozens of people, if they’ve ever had this experience, and I wonder if you have. Whether you’ve had the experience that you’re with a close friend of significant other and you’re just hanging out talking, and then suddenly fifteen or twenty minutes into the conversation you’re in this really yucky uncomfortable place, maybe even a fully blown out conflict. You’re wondering how did we get here?

Well, this is how it happens.

At some point in the conversation, message sent and message received were different and nobody realized that. (Talk about communication problems!) So we’re going along just fine and then suddenly this misunderstanding happens that we didn’t notice. We keep talking and keep talking, suddenly we’re really far apart from each other. That can escalate into some pretty big conflicts. I’ve seen that happen again and again.

If we can notice when it happens and start to prevent it, it gives us a lot of leverage to keep our conversations and our relationships on track.

I’m going to teach you one specific tactic that you can apply towards the end of this video specifically to help prevent those misunderstandings from happening in the first place.

The other general type of communication problems in relationships are when we can’t agree on what to do and we fail to distinguish between the action or the strategy that we want to employ, and the universal human needs, the core human motivators that are driving each person’s behavior.

Needs vs Strategies

Failing to distinguish between the needs and the strategies compounds our communication problems in relationships.

I’ll give you an example because this distinction is so important...

YouTube won't let me fit any more info. :-(

... for the full transcript and free mp3 of this video see: http://cascadiaworkshops.com/l....earning-communicatio

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