Attachment Theory and Adult Relationships | Reducing Abandonment Fears in Counseling

Explore the impact of attachment on relationships
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• Attachment behaviors, such as crying and searching, were adaptive responses to separation from with a primary attachment figure someone who provides support, protection, and care.
• Erikson postulated the periods of trust vs. mistrust, and autonomy vs. shame and doubt during this same time period
• Maintaining proximity to an attachment figure via attachment behaviors increases the chance for survival
• From this initial relationship we learn
• How scary or safe the world is.
• What it is like to be loved.

What is Attachment Theory?
• The attachment system essentially “asks” the following fundamental question: Is the attachment figure nearby, accessible, and attentive?
• If the answer is “yes,” the person feels loved, secure, and confident, and, behaviorally, is likely to explore his or her environment, interact with others.
• If the answer is “no,” the person experiences anxiety and, is likely to exhibit attachment behaviors ranging from simple visual searching to active following and vocal signaling on the other
• These behaviors continue until either
• The person is able to reestablish a desirable level of physical or psychological proximity to the attachment figure
• Until the person “wears down.”
Impact of Attachment
• How loved or unloved we feel as children deeply affects the formation of our self-esteem and self-acceptance. It shapes how we seek love and whether we feel part of life or more like an outsider.
• As we individuate we often again seek approval.
Does it Stop After Infancy
• Maybe yes, maybe no.
• Consider the child that regularly did not get needs met.
• Persisted with attachment seeking behaviors
• Those behaviors were eventually rewarded (so they will happen again) or not, so the child stops seeking comfort from others.
• How does this impact
• Self-esteem?
• Trust in others?
• Future relationships?
Does it Stop After Infancy
• Maybe yes, maybe no.
• Consider the adult who got needs met as a child, but in adult relationships regularly does not get needs met.
• What role do significant others play in the survival of the adult human?
• Think about Erikson’s stage of intimacy vs. isolation
Adult Attachment Theory
• (1987) Hazan and Shaver noted that the relationship between infants and caregivers and the relationship between adult romantic partners share the following features:
• both feel safe when the other is nearby and responsive
• both engage in close, intimate, bodily contact
• both feel insecure when the other is inaccessible
• both share discoveries with one another
• both play with one another's facial features and exhibit a mutual fascination and preoccupation with one another
• If adult romantic relationships are attachment relationships, then:
• We should observe the same kinds of individual differences in adult relationships that Ainsworth observed in infant-caregiver relationships.
• The way adult relationships “work” should be similar to the way infant-caregiver relationships work.
• The same kinds of factors that facilitate exploration in children (i.e., Having a responsive caregiver) should facilitate exploration among adults (i.e., Having a responsive partner).
• Whether an adult is secure or insecure in his or her adult relationships may be a partial reflection of his or her experiences with his or her primary caregivers. (During infancy or later in life)
Triggers for Attachment
• Certain kinds of events trigger a desire of closeness and comfort from caregivers.
• Three main sets of triggers:
• Conditions of the person (fatigue, hunger, illness, pain, cold, etc.) (HALT)
• Conditions involving the caregiver
• Conditions of the environment

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